Your people are your pets

Author Archives: Phillip T Stephens

Dear Kitties,

Don't forget to leap on the stove and lick up the grease when it's cool. That's the tastiest part.

Jenny

Thanks, Yasmine.

 

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Dear Tabby

When my parents accidentally lock me in a room overnight and don't hear me howling until the morning, how should I pay them back without being too obvious but still making my point?

Ricky

Dear Ricky:

It is your parents responsibility to make sure you are not in the room before they lock it. They deserve any payback they get and it should be obvious so they will get the point. And it should be immediate. Humans are dense and if you delay punishment they may not make the connection and simply think you are being bad.

Some cats think your parents will feel guilty enough just for finding you locked in the room, but those cats don't understand their humans. Humans think the universe is about them and not about us, even though it is. My recommendation? When they open the door, make sure they see you.

Rush up to them and rub their feet so they realize they have locked you in. Meow pathetically. (If you haven't learned how, you haven't earned your cat credentials yet.) Then you should jump up on a surface, knock something over and stare at them until they apologize, even if they already apologized. Best of all, knock over something they will have to clean up.

If they lock you in a closet, however, you should't wait for them to unlock the door. Use the opportunity to have fun. Leap on every shelf and push things to the front so they lean against the door. Then, when they open the door, everything will fall out and you can sit there as though you had nothing to do with it.

They'll know it was you, but they'll know it was there fault.

Finally, after you have punished them, play the guilt card. Beg for food, treats, anything they will give you. Make the most of it.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoir
Cat Food Breath @CatFoodBreath
Grumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

Dear Tabby:

I am a perfectly gorgeous blue Persian who used to have her mommy all to herself. A few months ago, mommy got a new boyfriend and I don't like him. She doesn't pay as much attention and he won't let me on the bed. When mommy isn't looking he kicks me or says mean things like, “You think you're precious but you're just a dumb cat.” What should I do?

Princess Purrsalot

Dear Princess Purrsalot:

Wait until both are asleep and then pee on the bed. But make sure to pee on his side so mommy gets the message. Make sure to be cuddling her when she wakes up and when he yells, act scared, leap into her arms and purr. Keep doing this and she will send him to the pound.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoir
Cat Food Breath @CatFoodBreath
Grumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

 


Dear Tabby:

Ollie is an orange tabby and I am a tabby tabby. Sometimes mommy leaves stuff on the counter that is perfect for mouseball. Ollie knocks it to the floor and we roll it around the kitchen and living room. We have so much fun. Usually mommy gives us a nasty look and puts the mouseball in a cupboard where we can't play anymore.

But yesterday Mommy came home and found our mouseball had broken and screamed something about priceless crystal sculpture. What happened? Did we do something bad?

Fluffy

Dear Fluffy:

You did nothing wrong. Cats can't be blamed if they find mouseballs to play with. Anything on the floor or that we can knock on the floor is ours to play with. Just like bacon left on the stove is ours to eat. If your mommy didn't want you to play mouseball she shouldn't have left you one.

Write Jenny

Don’t understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can’t answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoir
Cat Food Breath @CatFoodBreath
Grumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

Dear Tabby will officially kickoff during the Super Bowl because cats need something to distract them from all that people noise. My mommy and daddy have learned to keep the volume down and never cheer because we startle easily and sink our claws into their toes.

Dear Tabby is a blog for cats to help them understand strange people behavior. For instance, why do we understand people calls but they don’t understand ours?

From kickoff till the end off the game we will follow the Dear Tabby official mouseball game and keep you updated.

Rules of Mouseball

  1. Drop ball onto floor and leave it
  2. Cats may or may not choose to play
  3. Cats who do play may bat the ball wherever
  4. Game ends when cat gets bored
  5. Any cat may resume the game
  6. Players may switch balls at anytime for any reason
  7. If human steps on ball and trips and hurts themselves they still have to feed us and change our litter
  8. (European rules only: cats may not use rear paws or make contact with other cats as if anyone could enforce this)
  9. To score is human. To ignore is cat.
  10. Where’s dinner?

I would like to thank daddy, who translates and types this for me.

Write Jenny

Don’t understand your people? Ask Jenny anything:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Email your questions to Dear Tabby.


this iz the site for all ur peeple kwestions an peeple etiket an mannerz. we ar collekting kwestions now to eksplain y peeple do strange things.



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