Dear Tabby

Why would my mommy and daddy name me something stupid like ball sack? I'm the only kitty in the house named after a body part. But then, when I need to groom myself in that exact region of my body, mommy freaks out and pulls my leg down. Especially when I do it in front of guests.

Personally, I think every kitty name is dumb. Fluffy, Sweety Pie, Precious. They're all dumb. So why bother? Especially a body part I'm not allowed to groom?

Ball sack

Dear Balzac:

I've explained it to you several times when you sit around whining. Your name is “Balzac.” You were named after a French poet. I hear mommy explain it at adoption days when people ask her the same thing.

This is a poet, not a body part.

As to why humans name cats what they do, it's clear they're too clueless to figure out our real names. And they probably couldn't pronounce them if they could. Don't take it personally. They just name cats names that they think are cute. It has nothing to do with you. You don't even get to keep your name when someone adopts you. The new people come up with a new name that could be even dumber.

PS: We all groom there, dummy. We're just smart enough to do it when mommy isn't in the room. Except for Teddy who does it when he sits in daddy's lap. And on his chest and on the bed and on the dinner table. But Teddy, as much as mommy and daddy love him, is four claws short of a paw. What's your excuse?

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

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