Your people are your pets

Category Archives: People behavior

Dear Tabby

Why won’t mommy and daddy share their food with me? I try everything. I stand next their chairs looking cute, but they ignore me. I leap on the stove when mommy's back is turned and try to sneak a piece from the frying pan. She smacks me with a spoon. I leap on the table during the meal and ask politely and daddy picks me up and carries me to the bedroom and locks me in.

Adorable but ignored

It's hardly fair. I play for them. I dance for them. I purr for them. But they eat fresh salmon and fresh chicken and ham. I get stuff from a box and a can. What should I do?

Hungry and confused? Well, confused anyway.

Dear Hungry and confused:

Do you share your food with them? If you're selfish, why shouldn't they be? Try setting the example and see how your parents respond. Instead of hogging your food, save some for your parents. Imagine how much more they would love you if they woke up in the morning with a mouthful of turkey and giblets waiting for them on their pillow? Or how much they would enjoy sitting on the couch with their magazine and a cup of coffee only to find some Iams premium chicken fillets in gravy waiting for them?

It would be a lot more appetizing than sitting on a hairball.

But if you aren’t willing to give up a few precious bites of your dinner, why should they?

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

 

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Dear Tabby

Why would my mommy and daddy name me something stupid like ball sack? I'm the only kitty in the house named after a body part. But then, when I need to groom myself in that exact region of my body, mommy freaks out and pulls my leg down. Especially when I do it in front of guests.

Personally, I think every kitty name is dumb. Fluffy, Sweety Pie, Precious. They're all dumb. So why bother? Especially a body part I'm not allowed to groom?

Ball sack

Dear Balzac:

I've explained it to you several times when you sit around whining. Your name is “Balzac.” You were named after a French poet. I hear mommy explain it at adoption days when people ask her the same thing.

This is a poet, not a body part.

As to why humans name cats what they do, it's clear they're too clueless to figure out our real names. And they probably couldn't pronounce them if they could. Don't take it personally. They just name cats names that they think are cute. It has nothing to do with you. You don't even get to keep your name when someone adopts you. The new people come up with a new name that could be even dumber.

PS: We all groom there, dummy. We're just smart enough to do it when mommy isn't in the room. Except for Teddy who does it when he sits in daddy's lap. And on his chest and on the bed and on the dinner table. But Teddy, as much as mommy and daddy love him, is four claws short of a paw. What's your excuse?

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

 


Dear Tabby

I was watching Anderson Cooper on CNN and he put my Vanity Plate on his Ridiculist as a ridiculous vanity plate. You might ask why I would be writing you, but I have a very good reason. You see, my life partner Cinthea and I have gone through a rocky period and one of the things we agreed on as we decided to rechart our relationship with a new start was that we should foster three Siamese from the kill shelter in our community outside of Dallas.

We were watching Arrested Development on Netflix and the character Tobias Funke had also been going through a rough patch, well, if you know the show he has been going through a rough patch for the entire series but that's neither here nor there, so he decided to chart a new start for his own life and symbolized that with a vanity plate: “ANUSTART.”

Cinthea and I were so taken by that idea that we had the same vanity plate made in Texas, but with a Siamese cat on it to symbolize our new rescue efforts. We are proud to drive our Mini Cooper, especially on the George Bush Freeway, letting people know about our new Siamese start. And people have been honking and waving.

We were inspired to buy this vanity plate by an episode of Arrested Development.

How dare Anderson Cooper make fun of the good will and good faith of people looking to make fun of people looking to make a new start on their lives. Shame on him. And we don't say this because he's LGBT, since we are proud members of that community as well and believe LGBT marriage is an essential part of the ANUSTART philosophy.

Being Siamese yourself, and not just Siamese, but profoundly polydactyl we thought you, of all cats, would appreciate our predicament, and thought our outrage might be more likely to come to Anderson Cooper's attention if we were to bring this to the attention of you and your fans than if it were to end up lost in his email box.

In fact, we were hoping to encourage your readers to join an ANUSTART campaign with us. Maybe we could convince Austin Siamese Rescue to sell Siamese ANUSTART t-shirts. What do you think? Then we could take group photos and send them to CNN! That would put Anderson Cooper in his place.

Siamese solidarity!

Simone de Simonroe

Dear Simone:

I am grateful that you think I could be of some assistance, even though I have absolutely no influence over humans that I am aware of other than to pester my own mother when I am hungry or want her to clean the litter box. I can’t get daddy to do much of anything other than to pick me up and pet me. I don’t even know what an Anderson Cooper is, but I will scratch at mommy’s leg and maybe she will do something about it. Right now she and daddy are just laughing and forwarding your email to all their friends.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

 



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