George is really June's cat person of the month but i'm calling it july because daddy's computer went into the shop just before he was finished with it. Which was unfortunate because readers know I had just been hassled by Mademoiselle Parfum du Parfait because I wasn't “posting on schedule” enough to suit her mommy.
George Takeitty is July's cat person of the month.
If you're reading this in June, wait a day, we'll get to July and then no one will even notice.
It was an awful time for us rescue cats because the air conditioning went out in mommy's and daddy's house and they had something called insurance and a warranty to cover it so the repair person was out the next day only he said the one part they needed to fix it, the blower, which is kind of a basic part (since no air conditioner can work without one) was in Dallas and it would take a week to get here and that's when daddy said he would drive to Dallas to get the part only he used a lot of words that mommy said weren't very Christian words before the word part.
Then the air conditioning guy said it didn't work that way because the company wouldn't be liable for a part he transported and daddy would have to buy the part on top of that and then mommy used even more of those words that weren't very Christian but said Jesus would forgive her under the circumstances but she wasn't sure he would forgive a local air conditioning repair company for stocking a part so basic to the number one model they sell.
Especially since this is the third summer in a row since this company sold us the air conditioner and the third summer the air conditioner broke down and the third different part that had to come from Dallas even though it was basic, like a blower or a coil.
So we were two days into life without air conditioning and it was ninety degrees in the house only the overhead fan went out and then the attic fan and the attic fan repair guy refused to fix that because he said we had to cut a hole in our roof so mommy and daddy called a contractor who said the fan guy was full of more unchristian words because he could fit in the attic just fine and mommy and daddy would be stupid to cut a hole in their roof. So they reported the fan repair guy to the insurance company and that was when it got so hot the fans went out in daddy's computer only the connections were too small for him to fix so he had to send it off. But we still had no fan.
So I had no picture of George Takeitty to post and we were all lolling around the house melting into the couches and tables and floors and then mommy and daddy decided to get an air conditioner just for their room which meant all of us got in a lot of fights to see who would get to sleep in their room next to them until they finally threw us all out into the rooms with just the floor fans where we had to fight over who got to sit in the breeze but it didn't bother them because they were shut up in the room with air conditioning.
Even if daddy's computer worked it would have been too hot to bother to post George as cat person of the month as much as he deserved it.
But daddy’s computer finally got back, the blower finally got here from Dallas, the room refrigerator is tucked away in the closet for next summer when the air conditioner breaks down again and they have to send to Dallas for another part that you would think they would stock.
George Takeitty would stock it. They could make it on the Star Ship Enterprise. That's probably why he made such a good navigator, because of his cat like instincts. He let his claws out in an early episode of Star Trek when he fenced his way down the corridor showing some graceful catlike moves. You could even hear the purr in his voice, when he says, “Yes captain.”
You should also check out his tweets, which are, admittedly far more abundant than mine. There are no tweets more catty online or off than George Takeitty's. Like what gay weddings aren't responsible for, or “Justice Ginsberg rides a flying unicorn that leaves a trail of rainbows.” I don't even get either one, but you have to admit thaey're catty. This post about living with dogs shows he knows all about a cat's life.
Daddy told me that mommy reads George's tweets more than anybody else's tweets. I guess there's an app for that. Or maybe he just tweets more than other cat people.
Mommy showed this post to a friend and she said I must have a thing about gay people because both Ellen Degenpurrus and George Takeitty are gay. Well of course I prefer gay people. Have you ever had to put up with sour people. I remember having to go to adoption day before daddy finally persuaded mommy that she should adopt me. There was a sour puss who worked with Siamese Rescue, who never had a good thing to say about people or cat.
Mommy, who's the gayest person I know, would always point out how pretty a cat was, and how she would sleep on your lap, or cuddle on your shoulder. And then miss sour puss would point out that one of her adopted cats cost a thousand dollars in vet bills and another wouldn't let her carry her around the house whenever she wanted. The adopter would always walk away and the kitty would lose a home.
So I say, if he's gay, then all the more proof that George Takeitty is really one of us. We love you George.
What is an Ellen? Every afternoon my mommy sits in front of the TV and ignores me for an hour. She ignores everyone except the TV and her friends that she tweets with to watch something called Ellen and tweet about Ellen. Every week or so, she picks me up and puts me in her lap to watch kittens open doors or climb in boxes or sit in drawers or do something else that cats do every single day as though it's special and I should be impressed. I don't get it. Am I missing something?
Dear Ellen Kitty:
Since your mommy named you Ellen kitty, you do seem to miss the obvious. Ellen is not a thing, she's a person. Well, she's more than a person. She's a cat person. I don't mean someone who likes cats. Ellen really is a cat who passes as a person. Cats who watch Ellen know this because she leaps across her table and stretches in her chair and plays tricks on people. She also has lots of cats at home to keep her company.
Not all parents watch Ellen. Some watch Oprah and others watch The View. But cats watch Ellen because Ellen is a cat person. She plays with guests the way we play with our rubber mice. Why? Because she's a cat person. As a tribute to the world's best cat person, we are naming Ellen our Cat Person of the month.
Ellen's real name is Ellen Degenpurrus. She wakes every morning alongside her cats and Portia, the woman who takes care of them. Then she puts on her people make up and climbs in her carrier so Portia can take her to her studio, where people have to wait on her hand in feet (another sure sign she's really a cat). She is such a great cat person that her mommy named you after her.
Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:
- How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
- How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
- How do I drive away that pesky dog?
Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat