Your people are your pets

Category Archives: Dogs and other dumb things

Dear Tabby

Why can't I get respect? Whenever I try to get attention from my mommy, the other cats push me out of the way? They get to lie on the bed and I don't. Mommy always says “bad” when I do things, and I get the feeling the other cats laugh at me. In fact, I get the feeling everybody laughs at me. Why can't I get respect?


And you wonder why you get no respect?

Dear Pearl:

First of all, you're a dog. The fact that you haven't figured that out yet might be one of the reasons no one respects you. Secondly, you're a dog. The only creatures who think dogs are superior to cats are dogs and people who never lived with dogs and cats. Thirdly, you get no respect because whenever mommy or daddy calls one of the cats you stick your nose in their hand as though they were calling you. Which they weren't.

Here's a hint: If they want to pet you, they'll call, “Pearl.” If they call, “Jenny Manytoes,” or “Fred” or “Pumpkin,” they aren't calling you. And if you hear, “P…” wait for the rest of it. Don't start running.

Oh, what, they don't call “Pearl” as often as they call “Jenny Manytoes?” Maybe that's because I don't stick my head in their hand every time they call Pearl.

Here are some other tricks I learned. I get to stay on the bed because I don't jump up and down on their bladders, I don't pee outside the litter box. I don't knock my water bowl over to dash off whenever they call another cat's name hoping they mean me. I don't bark at the window just because there's a mean and nasty squirrel that might be trying to break into the house and steal my food. I don't whimper when it thunders. And I don't put my paws over my head and look pathetic when I did something wrong.

Oh, who am I kidding. You probably quit reading the last paragraph after the first sentence because you ran off to bark at the doorbell ringing on the TV. I don't know why Teddy likes to play with you. Then again, Teddy was always one door short of a bell himself.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat



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