Your people are your pets

Category Archives: Parental neglect

Breaking News:

Good news for kitties. While the Republicans were out doing anti-gun control press conferences the Democrats passed the Kind to Kitties Act, which President Obama, the coolest cat in Washington, signed into law today.

The kind to Kitties act requires people to feed strays and not turn them into the pound. People who do surrender kitties have to undergo pet counseling with a licensed feline psychiatrist. Every domestic kitty gets to share the pillow with her people. And, best of all, the government will build a house for any homeless person who adopts a kitty.

The new law will be paid for buy a tax on sport hunters and NRA lobbyists.

Mommy is already planning for an addition to the house to take in more kitties. When daddy asked, “Don't we have enough?” She told him about tax incentives to foster parents who convert rooms to foster shelters. Daddy is now down with it.

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Dear Tabby

Last week you very reasonably answered my question about how to punish mommy when she locks me in a room overnight. But mommy seems to think I should take some of the blame. She says, “Just because a door is open doesn't mean you should go inside.” But what else is an open door for?

Ricky

Photo Credit: Life With Cats

Dear Ricky:

People seem to think opening doors is for moving from one room to another. They don't understand that open doors are an invitation to explore. A cat can't see an open door without exploring. Who knows what's hiding there? So your mommy should just leave the door open, and with proper training, she will.

Follow your mommy around for a week or two. Every time she opens the door, dash inside. If she calls you, don't come out. If she closes it, immediately start scratching and yowling until she opens the door. But don't leave the room just sit there. It worked with our mommy Carol. Now she never closes a door and we can all pile on mommy and daddy's bed at night.

My mommy Carol says that your mommy shouldn't bother to close the door because Stephen and Nathan are just going to open it and leave it open anyway. But then she said that if she leaves it open, Stephen and Nathan will close it just because that's what thoughtless boys do.

Boys are terrible thoughtless creatures. Daddy Phillip used to let his boy stay and he would carry us around by the neck and lock us in closets and shout at us to scare us when Daddy and Mommy weren't looking. There is good news. He disappeared a few years ago, and we hardly every see him. Stephen and Nathan will probably go away too.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoir
Cat Food Breath @CatFoodBreath
Grumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat

 


Dear Tabby

When my parents accidentally lock me in a room overnight and don't hear me howling until the morning, how should I pay them back without being too obvious but still making my point?

Ricky

Dear Ricky:

It is your parents responsibility to make sure you are not in the room before they lock it. They deserve any payback they get and it should be obvious so they will get the point. And it should be immediate. Humans are dense and if you delay punishment they may not make the connection and simply think you are being bad.

Some cats think your parents will feel guilty enough just for finding you locked in the room, but those cats don't understand their humans. Humans think the universe is about them and not about us, even though it is. My recommendation? When they open the door, make sure they see you.

Rush up to them and rub their feet so they realize they have locked you in. Meow pathetically. (If you haven't learned how, you haven't earned your cat credentials yet.) Then you should jump up on a surface, knock something over and stare at them until they apologize, even if they already apologized. Best of all, knock over something they will have to clean up.

If they lock you in a closet, however, you should't wait for them to unlock the door. Use the opportunity to have fun. Leap on every shelf and push things to the front so they lean against the door. Then, when they open the door, everything will fall out and you can sit there as though you had nothing to do with it.

They'll know it was you, but they'll know it was there fault.

Finally, after you have punished them, play the guilt card. Beg for food, treats, anything they will give you. Make the most of it.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoir
Cat Food Breath @CatFoodBreath
Grumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat


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