Dear Tabby

Mommy says you haven't posted to your blog in several weeks. She says you can't be very dependable if you can't keep to some semblance of a regular schedule. She says you haven't posted a cat of the month since March and you don't tweet several times a day like most people, you don't even tweet once a day or once a week. She says she is very perturbed at you and your mother needs to have a serious talk with you about your responsibilities.

Mademoiselle Parfum du Parfait

Dear Mademoiselle Parfum du Parfait:

First of all, you're a cat. If your mother wants to send me a message she can do it herself. But with a name like “Mademoiselle Parfum du Parfait” I can tell she's forced way too much humanity on you. I bet you have a collar with bells around your neck and a bow behind your ears and on your tail and she sprays you with perfume and powders you and carries you around in a special little bag like a chihuahua dog.

Cats only talk when they need something from people, so they're lucky I tweet as often as I do. Mommy just suggested i do it to promote my blog and I think I've already taken far too much time from sunning in the window.

As to a schedule, the only schedule cats understand is our stomach and nap time. Schedules are something people do. Ask yourself: If your mommy didn't make you keep a schedule, would you? Really?

Really? Come stay with us and see what happens to your schedule. Mommy used to have a schedule but then she took in more fosters and that went out the window. Then she retired from something called work and you know what? She likes it our way! She eats when she gets around to it and she sleeps when she feels like it and if daddy gets hungry he can fix something himself, which he doesn't. So it works out fine.

And if your mommy really wants me to answer questions more often, she can always send me some. My email is below. I bet if she sent me four or five good questions your life would be a lot happier. I can tell that just by your name.

Write Jenny

Don't understand your people? Email Jenny with any people questions. If I can't answer there are plenty of fosters here who can help me. For example:

  • How do I get them away from their plates so I can eat the good stuff?
  • How can I get my people to use that little bed they gave me so I can have the good one all to myself?
  • How do I drive away that pesky dog?

Also follow:

Henri the Existential Cat @HenriLeChatNoirCat Food Breath @CatFoodBreathGrumpy Cat @GrumpyyCat